Pictures worth more than a zillion words

These are names of actual streets and places.

Oh those Canadians

Is this a sign addressed only to male drivers?????

Hello - is this Hunan

No- Fook- Yew

What???

Fook-Yew

You are rude mam - I am asking if this is Hunan

No-no no Fook Yew

Villager to lost motorist - be careful you may get stuck in Anus - too much traffic.

Wonder how someone with a lisp would pronounce the Garden's name

Boom Boom Parimalam Naasthi
Pe pe karna katoram
Kashu - Pishu Maha Kashtam
Nisabdam Prana Sankatam

Was told that this was Sanskrit (not sure since I am not by any means conversant or otherwise
in Sanskrit) but those verses stuck to my mind worse than super glue.

I am sure some of you would have heard this and probably know what it is all about - he he he
rest of the readers I will let you guess it out after reading this.

Guys - this is one is colorless (pun intended too) - not for the weak of heart or the Puritans. This is
something that happens to everyone any place anytime and no exceptions provides both merriment to others while embarrassment to the individual - well not all the time though

- and everyone has experienced it atleast once in their life - if not many many times and for this age is never a factor.

No No No not that !!!! you folks whose minds are twisted. No this is something that you
may say che che che - but face it - it is the truth.

You may choose to read this or you may not - whatever it is - don't come back complaining that it is
tasteless or I have no sense of shame (no pun intended) because what I am writing is - God Honest Truth - and no one can deny that at all. Everyone - right from a baby to an old old old old geezer has experienced, will experience till end of their life.

Now coming to the point - what I am talking about is um- er- er- ah -

The good ole wind that escapes us - intentionally or unintentionally - sometimes the silent and sometimes not.

Know why the silent ones have a "fragrance" of their own? For the benefit of the deaf.

Ahhh - Having Said that - here is a collection of explanations that I have heard when the inevitable occurred.

"B - my buddy let one rip in the restroom. He looked around and then asked me if I there was an elephant trumpeting nearby.

My nephew did so at the dinner table. The little guy in all cute innocence passed it off saying - Mommy told me not to talk with my mouth full"

Jim my cool cool buddy said he could not find his lips in time to whistle.

Choocha my friend in Chennai used to say Kaatrinile Varum Geetham (Song that comes with the breeze)

Another friend used to hum Simon Garfunkels "The Sound of Silence"

Angela said she would always sing Bette Midler's Wind beneath my........"

At School Physical Training my PE Instructor told me "Son - when I said exhale - it was through your mouth"

Dang - once in the airplane -it was a little puddle hopper (the six seater types) someone let go -
and everyone looked at one another (who dunnit?) I knew it was not me - how did I know - go firgure it out.

he he he and what would I say - Airy Days are here again

For every Action there is an equal and opposite Reaction - Damn Newton

As a kid I used to test out every theory defined by the physicists - (to me Physics was
the dumbest of all subjects - and the teacher the dumber (simple reason - I could never understand the subject)

However, testing those theories were always fascinating. The most exciting was Newton's III Law - For Every Action there is an Equal and Opposite Reaction and the simple reason again was I disproved it time and again. May be I did - May be I did not- who knows - as long as the apple landed on someone else's head that is all that I cared - but the trouble is - it did not and always fell on my @#%*~!^ head!!!!!!!

Dropped a peanut on a hippopotamus to see its reaction . The Big hippo went on munching the grass - The only reaction was getting cussed out by the zoo keeper's mallu gaalis.

Teased my country cousins (those with the long tails) at the zoo while wearing my uncle's sunglasses (he had enstrusted the pair to my care) Stepped close the cage and zzzzziiiip the glasses were gone. My cousins pretty much bent the frame to new shapes and played with the lenses. We did not have to visit the Zebras in the zoo - I had the stripes on me behind from my Uncles palms.

Made a paper plane, lit its tail and flew it in the house - a bunch of my grandad's books went up in flames, along with part of a mahogany Almirah - my ears and behind were scorched from multiple pairs of hands.

Stepped on my neighbour's dhoti, which was sweeping the floor, as he was walking - fun to to see a middle aged man in a striped underpants in the middle of the street on a busy evening. Funnier still for my parents who enjoyed the sight of the man's hands practicing tabla on my behind with all the force he could muster.

From top of the mango tree in my grandma's home - could not hold back - and sprinkled water not of the holy kind - wonderful sight till it landed on my grand aunt who picking fallen mangoes from the ground- Did not come down the tree for six hours and then when I did - had to dip by butt in the cool waters of the pond from the scorching whacks I got from her.

My friend and I tied a small block of salt on a string and placed in on the lips of my neighbour who was snoring away on a mat in the verandah.Could never figure out why anyone would not want to use a pillow. It was funny to see him lick his lips and then - we slowly raised the string and you will not believe it - he raised his head -while still sleeping, reaching out with his tongue for the salt and then he fell back and bonked his head on floor - went home with little bumps on our heads from his knuckles.

Friend's dad had a box of colored bulbs in his garage. He took one out to look at it against the light . It slipped from his fingers, fell on the concrete floor and exploded with a nice pop. Took the whole box out to the backyard and threw the bulbs one after another on the garden wall. Had a nice diwali. There were more powerful diwali explosioins on our behinds after our parents came to know about our mini diwali.

Asked my friend to give a letter I wrote to his sister (puppy love) he never talked to me for a year and neither did she.

Saw this elephant while waiting with my parents and uncles and aunt's at the bus stop when I was four. Asked in a loud voice why the elephant had five legs - embarrassed looks from everyone and then loud laughter (pssst THE ELEPHANT WAS A MALE)

Simbly put Vishu is the New Year of the Malayalees - No I correct myself - interestingly enough
April 14, the date that Vishu falls is also the New Year day for the Bengali's and also for the People ofAssam who call it Bihu ( look at the semblance of the names - Bihu and Vishu - In Punjab, April 14th is celebratedas Baishaki. I am sure ilanders from Assam, Punjab and Bengal will let me know if I have not statedthe facts correctly.

The night before Vishu - the elders place before the Divine - offerings such as Cucumbers, Raw mangoes,Coconuts, Rice, fruits, Coins, Betel Leaves, flowers (generally it is a yellow flower
that goes by the name of Konna - ( a laburnum type)etc. Each household offerings vary a little bit.
A mirror is also placed facing the entrance to the Puja room.

Early in the morning - the eldest member of the household will light the lamp in the Puja room and
then wake up the younger ones (age is the pecking order here). He or she will make sure that each member's eyes are closed and bring them one by one to the puja room and stand them in front of the lamp, facing the mirror and the gods and ask them to open their eyes.

Trust me- to me it has always invoked an awe inspiring sight -however simple or grand the offerings placed are.
The darkness, punctuated by the light of the lamp, which casts its soft glow over the offerings and everyone in the room - that feeling is hard to convey in words.

After every member of the household has had their view of the offerings (Vishu Kani -as it is called - comes the moment that the youngsters have been waiting for ( getting money or Vishu Kai Neettam- as it is called)

The elders then hand out money to the younger ones. While growing up - the amounts were not very substantial - in today's standards- the amount we used to get were you could call a pittance - but it was exciting for us. Then ofcourse came the other favorite part - the feast.

That is a nutshell is Vishu -

:)))))))))))))))

(The picture - courtsey the web)

Rains always have and had a mesmerizing effect on me - it was all the more magical while growing up in Kerala - don't know why, but rains in Kerala had that mesmerizing effect - that wonderful earthy fragrance that wafted over me, as the first heavy drops kissed the dry surface. Sometimes lying on my bed and looking out of the window, watching the rain drops drip off the leaves of the "Money Plant" that twined around the mango tree in our year. Don't think Calvin Klein, Dolce and Gabbana, Lancome et al could ever come up with a fragrance as wonderful as mother nature comes up with.

I loved to see the rain water running off the roofs - onto ground and forming little rivulets and running off to wherever. Of the little paper boats we used to make and float in those little streams and watch them being carried away wondering where they would end up. Monsoons in Kerala were magic.

At nights the frogs would start their Symphony of Love - each of them had their unique ribbit ribbits - two places I have heard the frogs orchestra was in Kerala (from the ponds, the paddy fields, from the back yard) and here in US near my old home which was close to a tiny lake. One amphibian would start somewhere and then others would pick it up and on and on they would go through the night - each ribbitting its best to attract a mate.

In our Tharavadu (ancestoral home) - we used to have - as most of the older homes in Kerala had and open indoor courtyard - called a "nadumittam" (middle-ground - not sure of the exact translation) mainly meant to bring in light and ventilation . When it rained it was wonderful -it used to bring such a cooling effect. Gutters were built to carry the water outside. At nights the froggies and the toadies used to make their way into the nadumittam and start their symphony - though annoying it used to bring a sense of joy to all of us.

For those of you who have never had the fortune of spending an evening at Frog-o-phony recital you are missing or have missed something. The first time you hear it you will hate it. Soon, however, it will metamorphize into something that is wonderful and in time will cast a spell on you and would turn out to be a unique kind of lullaby .

Wile the flames fan in Iraq, Afghanistan, Kashmir, and other parts of the world another greater calamity is in the maing - Pretty soon the love songs of the frogs will cease the world over, forever. A deadly fungus called the Chytrid is slowly but systematically wiping out the frog population all over the world.

Over 170 species of frogs have fallen prey mostly to the fungus and some to other causes and have become extinct in the last 10 years and apparently another 1,800 species face imminent danger.

If you, on a rainy night hear the ribbiting love calls of the amphibian - do not wish for it to stop but, please, pause for a moment and enjoy the song - for it may be the last time you may hear it. Unless ofcourse.....................

The Year 2008 believe it or not has been named as the Year of the Frog.

Rajnikant has counted to infinity - twice!

When he does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up. He's pushing the earth down.

He is so fast. He can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

He is so fast that he sometimes moves three days into the future or he can be so slow that the past catches up with him.

He is so fast that he can deliver a 100 mph pacer and run to the other end and whack the ball to kingdom come,

He does not wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

His house has no doors nor windows - only walls and he simply walks through them.

Rajnikant grinds coffee beans with his teeth , boils the water with his rage.

There is no microwave oven in his house. He nukes food with his glare.

If you Google 'Rajnikant getting kicked', results generated will be zero . It just doesn't happen.

It only takes Rajnikant 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes .

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq; Rajnikant lives in Chennai.

Rajnikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They just made him blink.

The only things that run faster and longer than Rajnikant are his films.

Where there is a will there is a way. Where there is Rajnikant there's no other way.

Rajni is a master of disguises - he is so good that he cannot recognize himself.

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there.

I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 22 miles away.

I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with him for his new house so he would not have to change the address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and then our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather here is not too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your other uncle is in the hospital with injuries that are crying - that is what the nurse said - she said your uncle has grievous injuries.

He pulled out the driver from the Ladies only bus since he was a male, and beat him telling him that he was not following the rules and as a result the local goondas who were the driver's friends beat up your uncle.

Nothing more to write. Nothing much has happened.

Love - Mom.

On the back side of the letter she wrote:

P.S. Beta , I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter

The family members are praying - hoping - and praying and hoping that their dear one would depart for whichever abode the dear one is destined for.
No, those people are not evil, they have been through hell the past two years -they have been emotionally, physically and financially drained because their one had made it clear that the life support system the dear one is plugged to to should not be pulled out.

Then there are those who would request they never be on life support system. I know people may think I am cruel or inhuman -but think of it -how would you like to keep someone on life suport system for all eternity. Imagine the person lying in a vegetative state, no movement other than the occasional movement of the eye by reflext and a gentle barely perceptible rise and fall of the chest.

Is that person capable of love, of understanding, or recognizing the loved ones, of know day from night, of thinking lucidly, of making decisions? I have known of families going through this and of the parents wishing that their loved one be taken away since they cannot bear to see their usualy chipry, bubbly child lying helpless and like a vegetable. Or of children praying that their parents be taken away after seeing them totally helpless and just lying there.

It takes a huge toll emotionlally, and physically and also financially. Families spend huge amounts to just keep their loved on alive. To what purpose? Now society may come back calling the children or parents cruel and uncaring - but does the society care other than to criticize. Will society step up and foot the hospital bills, will society take turns in caring for the person? No, never -other than throw in their opinions Society does nothing to ease the suffering.

I for one have told my family that in the event I am in such a state, not to think twice but go ahead and PULL THE PLUG.

It is better that way for everyone :))))))))))))))

They would walk into the changing rooms and then come out and we would just fall gaping - not becausethe women looked cute and the men muscular -but they were huge - simply huge. Fat was an understatement. They would waddle out to the waters edge and then plop on the water like huge whales and white whales too.We made a contrast to them. We darkies to their white - Black and White or Ebony and Ivory.

There we would swim among these human whales, who lay on the water like bloated balloons, every now and then they would waddle back to the shore like huge seals and then have a sip of whatsover and then come right back. Sometimes the waves were prett rough and they would pick us skinnies up and body slam us against the beach or sometimes on those Ruskies - the bad part being often times we would get slammed against their gigantic behindies - (Thank God no one knew of refried beans. ) and human instinct being human instinct we would grab at the first thing which came our way -their swim trunks. Thank god those Ruskies tied their trunks pretty tight or there would have been some hugs pumpkin displays which would have made to the book of records.

Ofcourse they would yell at us -but we would pretend ingnorance. Thank god it was not the women we were body slammed against -the Ruskie men would have crushed us between their thumb and fingers.

We were happy that we had those huge whales to protect us when the waves lifted us and carried us. There were times when there were no barriers and it was one fun time. The waters would push us to the bottom and then push us forward scraping our stomachs along the beach bottom - and by the time we were dumped on the shore we would have some nice skid marks on our bellies -worse still on our vital statistics. Imagine salt water on those bruises - oh my they stung and the worst is
we used to walk funny back home after scraping our vital ones on the sand.

We loved to initiate our new buddies to the water - we had them do jumping jacks in the water and after the third of fourth we would hold the bottom sides of their shorts and away they would jump up and down came their beach shorts. T'was pumpkin show time. We all went through the ritual so no pity all. It was more the merrier when the beach was crowded - but then we would get yelled at by some of the elders who were there.

Oh my I could go on and on and on - but that is a different story.
I will always love the beach. Soon it will be summer and Beach Here I Come.